Which hidden bias is stronger in YOU?

We all carry a number of biases in our head, which many a times we don't even recognize or accept. For example, in one experiment, a set of white people, who didn't consider themselves racist, were asked if they could help only one person who would they help in a situation where a black man and a white man needs help. Most of them went with the "white man". One conclusion of this study was that they were all racist, but they weren't aware of it. Personally, my conclusion is a little different. In my opinion, these people were not racist.  These people just went with a more comfortable and familiar choice. In other words, white people are expected to know and be more comfortable with white people than black people. Therefore, selecting to help a white man is a more comfortable choice.

To give an analogy, a person from Country A is expected to be more familiar and comfortable with another person from Country A, than Country B.  Does that make the person from Country A bad? No ways! However, there is certainly a bias, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

It's good to be aware of our biases. Here, I will like to bring another popular bias, which is gender bias. Many people think gender bias is a bias in favor of men and bias against women. That's not correct. It can be either way. In fact, such a thinking itself reflects the bias that we carry towards this term. To add, gender bias term also includes bias against or in favor of transgender people.

So, which bias is stronger in you? Try to answer a few questions, where you expect your biases to be in contradiction with each other and that can help you figure out the strength of each bias in you. To get you started, think about answers to the following questions:

1. If a white man slaps a black woman in front of you, who do you think is likely to be at fault?

2. If a black woman slaps a white man in front of you, who do you think is likely to be at fault?

3. If a black man slaps a white woman in front of you, who do you think is likely to be at fault?

4. If a white woman slaps a black man in front of you, who do you think is likely to be at fault?

After you have answered the above questions, reflect on how race and gender bias played a role in your thinking. Which answers were easier than others? Which bias came out stronger? Share your thoughts and experiences! 

Why men can't cry?

I wrote the following poem, "Why men can't cry?", a few years back. I really wanted to cry then, but I couldn't. For some reason, my tears were not listening to me. They were not helping me release my emotional pain. At that time, I realized how I have been suppressing my tears all along, never allowing them to come in order to show how strong I am. Now, they don't come, even if I need them. Why was I suppressing them? Well, it was because I was told to do so. "Girls cry, boys don't". This brilliant idea of society made me that way. I was punished if I didn't follow it. Punishment could vary from being made fun of to being considered a girl. In my opinion, this is a huge injustice that we do to our boys/men. 

With this poem, I wish to emphasize the importance of letting men cry and making crying equally accessible to men/women. Let me know what you guys think about it. 

    I wish I could cry, cry out aloud
Get the pain out of my heart, and feel light like a cloud

Why men can't cry, when they are also human
Why they need to be strong, when their heart wants to open
Why can't they scream, why is it considered so weak
Why can't they express, and cry like a freak

Sometimes I feel, it's a curse to be a man
People talk about equality, but then tell me to be a MAN
Why can't I have something as basic as crying
Why is the society in the mode of denying 

Who made these laws, who taught us this
Shouldn't this be a human right, shouldn't men have this bliss
Why is it so wrong, why their pain is any different
Aren't they not human, or are their rights any different

Today, I want to acknowledge, acknowledge all those men
Who lived their lives experiencing the pain within them
    Never got a chance to shed tears or never cried
    Lived like a MAN, or at least they tried

Elephant of Our Old Habits

Collection of our old habits, i.e., our old self, is like an elephant that courses through the day, refusing to be fettered by any new ideas or resolutions. Through auto-suggestions and will power, we hurl stones at it, trying to triumph over and change its course. However, many a times, it just tramples over our weak and fragile self-confidence.  Then, what follows is vitriol of our mind, affronting our already crushed self-confidence and descending it even further.

To ferment change in yourself and build self-confidence, it’s important to handle the above mentioned elephant differently and patiently. Usual motivational vernacular may not help. We need to enter into precincts of our sub-conscious mind through meditation and recreate its terrain such that the elephant is forced to change its direction.